Wholy Foods! Have I got an idea for you...

Dear Whole Foods.

Let me preface this post by saying that I have been going to Whole Foods way before they had 17 parking lots; when the most exciting thing there was granola; when there was one salad bar- with salad only- and when the staff took showers. When I was young, my mom had hair down past her knees the whole bra thing just wasn’t her style, and she brought her own cloth bags to shop in 1992- crazy huh. So, I am in no way boycotting it, but simply providing a suggestion as a valued customer.

Now, we all know that Whole Foods is expensive- this is not the problem. “Whole Paycheck”… yada, yada. I mean it should be expensive… the cucumbers are cared for better than the diamond ring I don’t have yet.

The problem is simple: Jiff and Tampax. Period (ha).

I know there is a certain segment of America that is cool with using whatever the female products they have there are, but to me they have a striking similarity to some of the baskets in the floral department (Pshhh, “Floral Department”… who am I kidding? More like “Greenery Haven” or “Flora Sanctuary”). Anyway, I don’t care how big of a hippie you are, that cannot be comfortable and any lady products that have the word “recycled” on the packaging should not be legal. They are called “sanitary” napkins for a reason. I mean how awesome would it be to stroll past the weird vitamin section and its inhabitants and see a bright pink box ready for the taking. Charge me $10, I don’t care.

And Jiff…so, that peanut butter-maker wheel thing is cool, yet confusing and should only be operated while no one else is in eyeshot. But, let’s face it… the experience of opening that little plastic container and the peanut paste has shifted to one side or another, the top sticks, there is more peanut crust than butter… is nothing like digging your spoon in to a delicious jar of Jiff peanut butter. When you go back to it the next day, it hasn’t shifted a bit. Even the knife stroke, and a remnant of yesterday’s bread remains as if to say “hey there, where to today?? Banana, Oatmeal, Toast?” Again, charge me $10, I don’t care.

So, that’s it Whole Foods. Two quick fixes and I am satisfied. This is a small plea from a workin’ gal that finds pleasure in one-stop shopping. Don’t make me go to CVS for my artificials, synthetics and my comfort brands.

All the best,

Tess